Korean Baptism: Part 1

Three days into my stay in Korea and the jetlag had started to wear off. Seeing this as a good opportunity to go out and have some fun, we decided to take advantage of some of the modes of entertainment offered to Seoul’s teeming population of youth. This is a really fancy way of saying we went out and reinforced almost every Korean stereotype known to Western man.

The city of Seoul is filled with establishments called “방들” (Bangdeul – Singular: Bang). Literally translated, 방 means “room”. 방들are often used as meeting places for youth, and are typically centered around a specific type of entertainment activity. 노래방 (Noraebang), for instance, means “song room” and are the Korean equivalent of what’s known more widely in America as a Karaoke place. Note that when I describe Seoul as being “filled” with these establishments, I really don’t do the phenomenon justice. A better term would be “complete saturation”. It’s kind of like when you’re making chocolate milk, and even though your mom tells you to only squeeze the bottle of chocolate syrup for like, three seconds, you just let loose and go for half a minute straight. Kind of like that, except instead of ending up with diabetes you just run into a 방 every thirty seconds while you’re travelling through Seoul.

This post sponsored in part by the Foundation For Completely Over-Extended But Oddly Nostalgic Analogies

To start the night off, we made our way to a PC방, where we met two of AP’s friends from his school in America. As an astute reader might have guessed, a PC방 is a room dedicated to LAN PC gaming. After a brief and slightly awkward introduction, the kind I’m more than familiar with, we got down to business and started enjoying the hell out of commercialized piracy. No prizes for guessing what game we played.

Don’t hate, I’m constructing additional Pylons

FAIR WARNING: Shit is about to get reeeeeeaaalll nerdy up in here. If you’ve never played Starcraft, are female, or currently have ANY amount of respect for me that you don’t want to lose – just keep scrolling until you see the next picture.

About three minutes into the game, I had my first group of units ready to attack. About three minutes and ten seconds into the game, I discovered that my base had already been completely surrounded by Photon cannons. Everything they say about Koreans and Starcraft is true. I’m about 90% sure they come out of the womb knowing how to play. Not five minutes after we started playing I had already been completely annihilated. Mercifully, I was left with a Probe and a Nexus so I could continue to pretend while the big boys played for real. Ultimately, my team suffered a crushing defeat. But let’s be honest, we never stood much of a chance to begin with.

Okay, it's safe to look again.